My “new” body, 2015
Authors Note: August 10th, 2017
I wrote this blog post just over two years ago. This month, I’ll be 45 years old and I’m happy to say that all my final struggles with weight acceptance have vanished to the point that the person in this blog now only partly resembles me. That is the part which vocalizes the constant desire to be strong.
I believe that people can change. I know that the desire to change is not enough. It takes immense commitment and the willingness to keep trying time and again. My transformation started eight years ago and it continues to this day. Never think it’s too late to be the person you want to be. Our visions are there for a reason. Desire is that potential deep inside of you begging for the opportunity to manifest itself, one laborious step at a time.
Thank you for following me on my journey. (And be sure to scroll to the bottom to learn about the FREE classes we’ll be offering at real [FIT] life, the whole month of September. We’re celebrating!)
Founder, real [FIT] life
If I were to have kept track of all the minutes that I have obsessed over my body up to this moment, I wonder how many weeks, perhaps months, I would then have to subtract from my life.
Could it be more than months? Could it total to a year? More?
I can remember from an early age, comparing my body to other girls bodies. Girls who I thought were thinner than me. How young was I? Fifth grade? Younger? And how did I even know that it was something I was supposed to worry about? Where and when did I first get the message that the size and shape of my body was a woman’s defining factor?
I don’t remember anyone ever directly telling me at an early age that thin was important.
But then, I also don’t recall anyone ever telling me while growing up that my body was capable of so much MORE than just acquiring a number on a scale.
Why? Why did I never receive this message?
A part of me is angry that it took me so long to finally GET IT. That I allowed myself to waste so much precious time and mental energy. And the sad thing is, even though I now GET IT, I still have this battle inside my head.
Over the last year and a half, through some serious lifting, my body has changed a lot. I’ve acquired quite a bit of new muscle and my shape has gotten, well, shapelier.
Since taking up powerlifting, I have acquired a new level of appreciation for my body. I now see it as a vehicle for performance. As a tool for exploration. As something that is capable of feats so much greater than just shrinking.
I just still have some outdated, ill conceived, deeply imprinted ways of thinking that still need to go. My perception is changing, but it’s requiring some catching up.
Just this morning my boyfriend mentioned to me that when he wraps his arms around my stomach, it feels different. It feels muscular. He meant it as a compliment and I took it as such. I welcomed his observation, because as my body has gotten stronger, my weight has gone up and so has my size.
But I have not grown anywhere near as much as I feel like I’ve grown. And even if I had, if it’s muscle, shouldn’t I be celebrating? Muscle is not easy to come by. Every bit I’ve grown, I’ve earned through endless hours of diligent work and dedication.
Mind you, we are talking like a 1/2 an inch to an inch increase on different areas of my body. My waist, hips, arms, thighs, and chest have all gotten stronger and also, a tad bigger.
This morning when I explained to him that I have been feeling self conscious about my belly and that I am having this constant struggle with “my new size” he told me, “Thats funny. Because you look the same size to me”.
My legs are muscular. My legs are also powerful. Powerful is beautiful.
And I know he’s right.
I am aware that I do not see my body the way my body really is. I know most women have this problem. I hear women complain about the parts of themselves that they don’t like and pretty much every time, what the person sees vs. the reality is not even close.
And I ask, “Why do we do this to ourselves?”
I am going to be 43 this summer. I know that I have wasted a lot of time in my life focusing on superficial things that have never made me happier. Fitting a certain clothing size has never made me feel empowered. It’s never taken me to another level of expertise or increased my intellect.
It’s certainly distracted me from a whole lot of things I COULD have been better spending my time working towards, aspiring to accomplish, and broadening my horizons.
In some ways, I feel like I’ve been duped.
All the magazines I read, advertisements that I allowed to suck me in and brainwash me. To think that I have allowed a certain way of thinking to so deeply ingrain itself into me that to this day, even though I now intellectually know better, I still have to fight myself to see my body differently.
I want to celebrate my body. This body that has given life to four beautiful children. This body that has, at the wise age of 42, diligently toiled to master chin ups, and that can deadlift 2x’s my body weight.
This body that can build beautiful, strong, hard earned muscle through grit, sweat, and smart training.
Double bodyweight deadlift in April 2015
Aspiring to be a better athlete challenges my brain. It makes me smarter, more confidant, gutsy. It has taught me to cut through other peoples BS and put my own needs first.
Obsessing to be smaller, thinner, never did any of these things. Ever. All it’s done is prove as a big f’ing distraction from all the amazing things I could be doing with my life.
How much time have I lost?
This year is my year to get rid of every last bit of distraction. I am finally ready to put on the tunnel vision and go for what I want.
What do I want?
I want to be a force to be reckoned with. I want to be a lifting prowess rippled with muscle. I want to go into the next decade of my life like a fury.
When I sit and envision all the things I want to accomplish in these next forty years of my life, I quickly realize that NONE of my goals have anything to do with being smaller.
It’s quite the opposite, in fact.
I will NOT waste any more time obsessing over silly things that do not bring me greater confidance, piece of mind, quality of life, and helps pave my road to excellence.
I will give my body all the love, nurturing, rest, food, and positive accolades it deserves.
I know this will take work but one thing it won’t be is a waste of my precious time.
I hope you will join me.
Jeannine Trimboli, CEO,
real [FIT] life
August is special for me because I’m turning another year wiser.
September is EVEN MORE special for me and ALL of us at real [FIT] life because we are celebrating our 1 Year Anniversary in our beautiful new Personal Training Studio, our home.
Please join us all through September as we offer FREE Lifting Workshops and Fitness and Weight Loss Seminars.
Check out our event calendar here and be sure to register! (Just click on the dates)
I hope to see you soon!
real [FIT] life
8 Corporate Circle